In Dreams

I dreamed the other night that I was the neglectful father of a little girl. And one day she came to the apartment to ask me why I hadn't done this and that for her and for her mother.

And so I wrote her a book of elaborate, magical excuses, called "What Daddy Will Do When He Comes Home."

I would have fixed that fence -- the book read -- but on that corner of the house is a magical swamp just teeming with dragons! And so I went down with my hammer and my nails, all ready to mend that fence for you and your mom, when out of nowhere a dragon attacked! And for three days I was lost in that swamp, battling rats and carnivorous frogs and mosquitoes the size of a man with nothing but my hammer and my nails, until finally I came upon the cottage of an old witch.

And I said, Witch! Let me out of this swamp, so I can mend the fence for my poor wife and daughter!

And the Witch said, I shall release you. But there is a price. Behind the house my fence has begun to fall apart. If you fix it, you may leave this terrible swamp.

But Witch! I cried, I have only enough nails left to fix the fence for my wife and daughter!

Well, cackled the Witch, If you do not mend this fence, you will be trapped in the swamp forever. And there is more: Within my fence are contained all the dragons of the swamp. If you do not mend it, they will surely escape -- and your wife and daughter will be destroyed by their terrible dragon rage!

So I did it. I took my hammer and the very last of my nails, and I mended that Witch's fence -- because I couldn't stand the thought of you and your mother devoured by dragons or burned to cinders by their terrible fire. And the Witch kept her promise, and showed me the way out of the swamp.

It may be a week or two, or maybe a month, before I can get some more nails and get down there and put that fence back together, little one. But you and your mother are safe. And that's all that really matters.

In my dream this became a national bestseller. I remember that on Oprah they were talking about how "It's funny because it's real." I wonder if it would work out in waking life?