Staying Sick

Six years ago I wrote an article about how so help me I wasn't ever going to smoke a cigarette again so long as I live. My reasoning went something like this:

My body is a functioning ecosystem.

Cigarette smoking is pollution.

Smoking a cigarette is therefore like causing an oil spill on the shores of your lungs (and how sad, I thought, would the poor vacationing family of microbes be, arriving on the bronchial beach and finding it covered in tar.)

I think that lasted for about two months.

***

Do you want to know how it happens? Here is my brain:

"Man, I don't really want a cigarette. It kind of hurts my lungs and it would be nice to be able to run more than I can -- Hey, wait a sec! --







...Holy Freaking Crap! It's the ghosts of Jack Kerouac, Joe Strummer, and Fidel Castro, and they're ALL SMOKING!!"

"Steeephennnn!" said they in their ghostly smoky voices, "If you smoke you will be as cool as we aaaaare!"

Then they vanished and I was like, Shit, I want to be as cool as Jack Kerouac Joe Strummer and Fidel Castro! So I bought another pack of Pall Malls.

***

(I know what you're thinking. Fidel isn't even DEAD yet and still his cigar-smoking ghost travels back in time to haunt me. It's crazy.)

***

So it's 6 days later now, since this hacking coughing fit began. I'm feeling a bit better. Here is the question: Will I immediately re-start chain-smoking as soon as my lungs seem capable of handling it? Or will I grow smart for once for at least a little while?

***

We shall see.