Notes on a Rainy Day

Sunday, after more nights of raucous and maddening. Highlights and things on my mind:

• Why do people want to fight me so often? I don't really think I do much to bring it upon myself. Last night a man asked me whether I would like it if he tore off my head and shat down my neck. I said that I would prefer he didn't. He then accused me of believing that I am the smartest guy in the world: I informed him that, No, the smartest guy in the world is Michel Foucault. (And everyone knows that I'm the cleverest guy in the world anyway.) The night before, a burly and terrifying-looking man approached me with rage in his eyes at the bar. I said to him -- whose hat, I noted, read "Iraq Combat Veteran" -- that if he wanted, we could fight, and that would be okay, but would he rather talk about what is on his mind? He spent the next hour pouring his heart out to me about his ex and the guy that she's fucking and how he could snipe the motherfucker from a thousand yards off. I believe I successfully persuaded him not to do this and gave what I hoped was comforting advice.

• Yesterday I had to buy a new pair of jeans, on account of my old ones being ripped in the region of the crotch. Buying jeans is one of the most stressful things in the world for me. I freak out and feel like I'm surrounded by little denim goblins with a thirst for my blood and often end up screaming RELAXED FIT NEVER LOOKS GOOD ON ANYBODY! EVER! GET A FUCKING CLUE!! after trying on half a dozen pairs of pant-shaped tarps and finally storming out of the store.
  

• In the end I found a pair of Levi's 501s. Pros: They fit, and I like the color. Cons: I hate, hate, hate button-flies. It makes the process of going to the bathroom like 4 times more difficult. Also, I prefer jeans where the legs taper at least some; these are straight-leg.

• As I have stated before, I really like Challengers, the New Pornographers album, and have been listening to the title-track repeatedly this afternoon. Here is my problem: There is a line that goes "Whatever the mess you are you mind, okay." I wanted it to be, "Whatever the mess you are, you're mine, okay." Because wouldn't that be an incredibly sweet thing for a person to say to you? Sigh.

• I am bored and lonely some and I wish you would come online and talk to me.

• Why don't you?

• Sigh.