40 degrees and raining, April 21st 2008. 9 days until payday; 19 until food stamps. 10 Day Forecast: You will not see the Sun.
And here come all the Buddhas to tell us why we suffer. "Listen to these noble truths, give up attachment and never hurt again." And every one of them can fuck off.
We ache because we laughed and we cry because we loved, and we can't have the one without the other.
"And don't you know, wise Subhuti, how some are reborn in this world and some are reborn in hell, and the very good are reborn in heaven but Look: Nowhere in 10,000 worlds are the Pure reborn!"
And take your purity and keep it, and reborn every day I will accept these lifetimes of hell in payment for glimpses of heaven. Purity like mist: drift away in the wind and vanish, in the world and never of it, nothing in your heart but I'm Too Wise to Care. And Browning:
"...What if the rose streak of morning
Pale and depart in a passion of tears?
Once to have hoped is no matter for scorning!
Love once, even love's disappointment endears.
A minute's success pays the failure of years!"
***
Roommate said to me yesterday: "Dood my face hurts from smiling and kissing her so much." I laughed and told him it was the cutest thing he had ever said, and then said, "But be careful: You don't want to get too into her too quickly, invest too much of your emotional energy and wind up getting hurt."
He said, "That's a good point."
I said, "Fuck that, don't listen to me. Throw yourself into it; don't hold anything back; if you burn it will be worth it and you will burn bright and glorious having felt and been alive."
I was right.
& so Let's take an oath you and I to always throw ourselves into the Ocean and let the currents take us: sometimes we will wash up on rocks broken and drowned and the crabs will eat our skin; sometimes we will remember that the crabs are our friends and good company and be glad to say hello to them and share a bit of supper. & all times we will be alive and moving and, faith in the Sea, arrive in the end on the happy farthest shore.
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9 comments:
Amen! I've always wanted to play the Devil to the Buddha, for precisely this reason.
I once went for three years without feeling anything. It taught me how to treasure pain. I don't think most people understand that, but now, why would I want to avoid suffering? How else can I know I live? I had three years of nirvana, and I won't go back. You can't make me.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean there is wisdom in ideas about learning to let go of things, of course. And meditation is good for everybody. But I have this vision of Wise Old Monk on Mountaintop, nothing to do with the world & better than it & "blissful" and I'm like -- Why?
Steve, your new philosophy with regard to love seems frighteningly Jay-like.
Jay, don't take offense to this.
I wouldn't recommend Taking the Plunge in all cases to everybody. Often it's wise to hold back, everybody knows that. But sometimes, sometimes, and even when you know you will probably get burned, it is more important to experience the moment as everything it could be than worry about what may come.
Every day, you should not go outside and find a tall cliff and jump off it into the water below. But, some days, yeah, you should, even though there are fucking rocks and a goddam octopus and all kinds of shit, because that day you need to dive in.
& you pull yourself all broken ripped apart to shore and maybe even say "Oh shit that was actually a lake of fire, not water, I guess I should have known from all the smoke and flames" but in the first case, next time you'll know better and in the second case, every now and again it's time to jump into fucking fire just for its own sake.
& Why am I talking like I'm a fucking sage when I'm drunk and it's Monday night and I have work tomorrow?
I'm falling madly in love with an abandoned house -- does that count?
And I am weary about the prevalence of your ampersands. But I am pretty sure that I am for it.
& I liked ampersands, & wondered where Boette was squatting.
Right now, the only squatting I do is on toilets. Hopefully, the stars will soon align and the skies will open up, destroying all notions of property, allowing all to live freely...
Until that happens, I should probably get a crow bar.
& I like ampersands, too!
& on some days, you just feel sagacious. Hell, lookit me. Nothing wrong with sitting on the mountaintop every once in a while. Long as you remember to jump off a cliff into a big lake of fire now and again.
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