updates from Oregon

in the valley,

grey clouds overhead

mountains topped by snow and fog--

It would be easy to go mad here.

*

Steve tries to be Gary Snyder.

It is Winter now, and Oregon Winter sucks. Supposedly this late snowfall is the worst we have had in years; a decade or more. I said, "Man, this is snow." Someone said, "And when a guy from Pennsylvania says that, you know he's serious."

And I was.

Why would I lie?

*

What else is on my mind.

Los Angeles was madness. Heath Ledger died, and the next day an Irishman called me "the bloody reincarnation o' Heath Ledger." I wasn't though and it was sad that he died. Then later I gave someone a cigarette, and I said to this girl I had been hanging out with, "I really like giving people cigarettes."

She said, "Why?"

I didn't like her anymore after that.

*

I don't know what else to tell you. It has been such a terribly long time since I have updated this. My goal was thrice a week. But I was in LA. From now on the goal is, thrice a week if I am in a place from which I can blog.

Okay, that's a fine goal.

The Night Before Los Angeles

So, tomorrow I am leaving for Los Angeles. That is exciting! Except that I will get there at 1:00. To get to Los Angeles from Roseburg at 1:00 I must leave for Eugene at 6am, fly from Eugene to Portland, be annoyed at having to fly North to fly South, then fly from Portland to LA. After my recent experience with changing planes I am concerned. We are going to LA for our VISTA orientation, which begins tomorrow evening. Hopefully we will arrive on time and in the proper city.

It is late here. It is weird that this is my first full week in Oregon. So far I have:

• Gotten an Oregon bank account.


• Gotten an Oregon cell phone.


• Applied to rent an Oregon apartment.


• Applied for Oregon food stamps.


• Eaten Oregon Chinese food.


• Drunk Oregon beer (it's really good!)


• Drove an Oregon truck.


• Gotten an Oregon bike (yay!).


• Paid NO Oregon sales tax, because they don't have it!
  


• Made a couple of Oregon friends.


• Still at the awkward stage there.


• Skipped Oregon Mass yesterday and felt terribly guilty, since I live with an Oregon priest.

My current review of Oregon: Wow, it's different from Pennsylvania. But maybe not that different. Maybe people are just Americans, here in America. But I don't completely know yet. At the same time, I feel like every person I've met in this town has been incredibly friendly. VISTA people, bank people, waittress people, ranchers, farmers.

Oregon trees are different from Pennsylvania trees. Lots and lots and lots of Pine and Oak, Douglas Fir. Haven't seen a Spruce, a Hemlock, a Maple.

I cannot identify any other trees and only know the Douglas Fir because it was pointed out to me.

Lots of blackberries here.

Blackberries are invasive exotics and they are everywhere. Everyone else in the forest thinks they are bad, but I disagree and so do you and the sparrows.

Of course they are not out yet.

People here think I am insane because I do not drive a car. And maybe they are right. All of America that doesn't live in a city has to drive a car. But, they keep being shocked and horrified when I walk distances greater than half a mile.

Granted, I have been deliberately pushing it: on Saturday I did a 7-mile round trip to the bank and back, because the only bank I could find open was 3 and a half miles away.

But historically, that's not even that much. Hunter-gatherers walked on average 7 miles a day.

And you know, I feel like, if I said to people "I did a seven-mile HIKE today," everyone would applaud and be all Oh yeah that's very good Yeah hiking Hiking's good I respect that Yeah I really respect that. And what I would really be saying is "I went and walked seven miles in the woods for no goddam good reason." But say to people, "I needed to go somewhere today, for a good purpose, and I walked, thus simultaneously accomplishing my necessary tasks AND getting exercise" and everyone turns up their nose.

Of course, it's exceedingly respectable to get exercise provided it:

1. Serves no useful purpose whatsoever;
2. Is facilitated by the purchase of unnecessarily expensive equipment;
3. Takes place within a gym.
   

Hypotheses:

1. If you walk (or get any sort of exercise) for any useful reason it says that you couldn't afford to have a machine do it for you.


2. But if you get exercise for no reason, it tells everyone that a) you're above manual labor, otherwise you would be too tired to do this, and you wouldn't need to anyway; b) you have money for a gym membership; c) you have money for running shoes; d) you accept Middle and Upper-Class values--you are running, not smoking.

Consequence:

America is a nation of depressed, obese, but rose-scented and spotless Middle-Class mannikins who would be happier, healthier and even fucking wealthier if they would just get off their asses.

Even when it's a little cold out!

Midnight in Oregon

At this hour, a few important thoughts are on my mind:

• I KNOW THE LAST FUCKING POST FAILED. It's not my fault, it's the website I was getting screenshots from. They worked immediately after I posted them, and then, they didn't. It happens. Greatness involves missteps. Listen to the last six fucking tracks on Sandinista! if you don't believe me -- the last one has fucking sheep in it! Sheep, on the same album as The Magnificent Seven! What the fuck, Joe Strummer?

• I hate Larry Suarez. Let me repeat myself. I hate Laurence O'Neal Suarez. Why? Is it because he owes me money? No, not even Larry owes me money. Is it because he is such a douchebag? No, if I hated douchebags, I wouldn't have anymore friends. No, I hate Laurence O'Neal Suarez because: Every fucking time I see the motherfucker he has a camera and he takes a picture of me. Every party, every random encounter, every everything. And right here, at this stupid website, he has pictures of the last 3 years, pictures of Jay, pictures of Rob, pictures of Boette, pictures of Jane, pictures of Ben Fucking Macken, pictures of John "Actually a Douchebag, Unlike Everyone Else Who Has Redeeming Qualities" Kyle. What pictures are there of Steve Thomas? Like, 4. And all are from 3 years ago, and half involve me being harmed in some way.

• So I'm calling on all loyal Cats and Gardeners to join my campaign to harm Larry Suarez. He deserves it! Deface his blogs! Throw stuff at his house! Be mean to his roommate!

• Well. Don't be mean to his roommate. But go ahead and be mean to her mustache. It is retarded.

• Now it is no longer midnight in Oregon. It is 10:30 in Oregon, and it is the next day. Today will be an exciting day of getting food stamps, driving a truck, and going to Oregon's first party ever! Ta-ta everybody, and remember, if you see this retard:
  
  
  
  be sure to harm him!

The First Travel Blog Ever!

Hi anybody!

Wow, it's been a few days. Lots of stuff has happened since January 13th. For example, now my blog has become a travel blog!

"Goodness Jesus, Steve, I just got this 'blog' concept down, and now you're telling me about travel blogs? How am I supposed to keep up!"

Well, my friend, a "travel blog" is a blog about a 22 to 28-year-old who goes to a different place and takes pictures with their digital camera of that place and posts them online! Much like an ordinary blog, it is important to have links, but unlike an ordinary blog, links take a backseat to pictures of the place you now live.

There was just one problem: I didn't have a digital camera! So I would have to rely upon my powers of description, and the fact that every image of every event that ever happened can now by discovered on Google image search, to share my adventures with my adoring readers.

***

Random Slices of Oregon

• First of all, let me tell you about my town. I am afraid to name it, because no one I work for should ever ever see this blog ever, so we shall call it "Okoge," after a Japanese word roughly translating as "fag hag." Okoge is a really pretty place. It looks kind of like Johnstown, only, like someone took a picture of Johnstown and airbrushed it.
  
• This is the internet's best picture of Johnstown, where they edited out almost all the ugly:
  Okoge is better than that. I wouldn't even have to edit it.
• Every other thing here is called Umpqua. The river through town is called Umpqua. The bank is called Umpqua. The region is the "hundred valleys of the Umpqua." The local Indians are named Umpqua. Umpqua is an Indian word meaning "thing."
• All of the deciduous trees are covered with this lovely light-green moss. I thought it was so cool until I found out it's actually some terrible disease that is killing them slowly and prettily.
• I am now driving a pickup truck!!! Here is a picture of me with it: As you can see, I have also taken this opportunity to become a shitbag redneck sonofabitch who writes songs about being a "patriot" and a "working man" while selling out to a company that helps keep America dependent upon foreign oil and, of course, actually being a wealthy superstar who will never have to work another day in my life.
• Jesus Fucking Fuck I hate Toby Keith.
• I mean remember that fucking "I'm a ford truck man. That's all I drive! Ain't got no boundaries, I don't compromise" shit. That pissed me off even more than his Courtesy of the Red White and Blue bullshit, like, yeah, okay, if I spend thousands of dollars on a gas-guzzling motherfucking automobile and drive around and burn oil and run over deer and cats and dress like a fucking retard, I will finally be free and independant. Fuck you, Toby Keith, and Fuck you, Ford.
• That said, I now drive a pickup truck.
• I am thinking of buying a rifle to put in the bed. Just because.
• All kidding aside, I support the Second Amendment, for good reasons.
  
• I don't remember what I am talking about or why.
• Okay, Oregon. Um, so, what else do you want to know? I have new friends now, and I went out with them to a bar the other night. The bar is this:

and it is pretty okay. It has excellent beer. I drank a Christmas ale that was maybe the best Christmas ale I have ever had, and regaled my new friends with my personal experiences with fireplay.

• I wasn't joking, and they were horrified.
• After this we went to a smaller bar that had Budweiser, shuffleboard, and old men with long hair and beards. I was bad at shuffleboard until I got drunker. Then I was good.
• Okay it's like 11:00 so I am going to go do something.
  
• By everybody!
• Please enjoy these pictures of scenic Oregon:

Update: BOO! Stupid website ruins my Oregon Trail joke. Fuck them!

At the Denver International Airport

Holy Crap. I just flew over the weirdest freaking country. It's like this big endless yard without any towns and all these square shapes and circle shapes, and a man sitting beside me was FROM THERE and he said the circle shapes are for irrigation and the square shapes were wheat fields, and he had on black jeans a flannel shirt and a trucker hat BUT HE WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM YOU OR ME!!! He said he lived on a place where Onna clear day, man can see forty mile in ev'ry direction--yeah, it's our own little piece a heaven.

Now I'm in this country's airport, and it's weird too-- It's a big shopping mall, only the disembodied voice of the bitchiest girl you ever dated keeps saying:

Threat condition has been raised to orange. Please be aware of the increased threat, and report any suspicious bags or suspicious behavior to an employee or Law Enforcement Officer.

I don't know why this country is so afraid of orange, but I'm a little scared because I'm eating this German chocolate bar my grandma gave me -- and it has orange jelly filling! I'm not sure what they will do if they catch me.

Still, some of the habits of these people are interesting, from an anthropological standpoint. It seems their language has evolved from ours--but with subtle differences. For example, what we call "nine thirty," they call "seven thirty." And what we call "a beer that should obviously cost three dollars, and that's why I didn't fucking ask the bartender how much it was" they call "That'll be 8 bucks."

Yes, they are a curious people, these "Americans." I would love to devote more time to their research, perhaps obtaining a few specimens for later study, but I'm afraid I'm exhausted and the only things keeping me going are Franny and Zooey Anacreon, Starbucks and the song "Because the Night." So I'm going to go buy a cup of coffee, turn on my iTunes, and decide whether I want to read more Sallinger or play more game. See you in Oregon everybody!

Press RETURN to size up the situation

Hi anybody.

It is 11:07, Saturday night, as I write this. I am packing my things. In 13 hours I will be on a plane to Oregon. That is a lie: In 13 hours I will be on a plane to San Francisco, from there to get a plane to Oregon. As of one hour ago, none of my stuff is packed. Now most of it is. As you can imagine, I have been drinking.

...
...
...
...
...
...
flonk.

...That was my brain trying to make a joke and failing. That's because I'm not jokeable, in fact, I'm scared shitless. My cats are trying to help me pack but they are useless; the passive aggressive one keeps trying to get in my suitcase and the old gross one is sneaking about making trouble and the little weird one is I think playing with a bit of string.

Items left to pack:

• one messenger bag;
• one snazzy topcoat;
• four condoms;
• about twelve hair-ties, for when my hair gets long enough to pull back again.

Things I am currently worried about:

• Will I have too much luggage, and have to pay 70 bucks to check everything?
• Will the airplane people have my name on some kind of list and disappear me?
• Will the plane crash and I will die?
• Will the plane crash and I will not die, even though everyone else did, and in the ensuing adventures a guy tries to convince me I'm a superhero and my kid points a gun at me cause he thinks it won't even hurt me cause I'm unbreakable, like in that movie I hated?
• Will the plane simply vanish, and everyone will not even know it vanished, they won't know it ever took off, and no one will have any idea what "Steve Thomas" is, except one person will remember, one lonely friend of mine, and she will try to convince everyone that I was a man and I existed...dammit he existed, and he was a man! A beautiful, witty, intelligent, cunning, sexy, delightful man! No, silly, you only imagined him. You've been under a lot of stress, what with these deadlines and the war with Iran. Maybe you should take the rest of the week off. But if he never existed--then who wrote this blog??? What blog, honey? Ba-duh-DAH!!!!!
• What if I can't carry that much meat?
  

Well kids, now it's 2:24 AM. Progress made on packing since 11:07: None. Progress made on my iTunes: Lots! I guess I'd better go get ready. Goodbye America! I'm bound for Oregon.

Random Thoughts

• The reason I like the new New Pornographers album so much is that they finally kicked R2D2 out of the band. Seriously, I think he wrote, like, almost every song on Mass Romantic, including beepy-bloopingly retarded classics "Centre for Holy Wars" and "Execution Day." He did have one genuinely good song, Twin Cinema's "Streets of Fire," but all in all I'm glad they told the droid they don't serve his kind here anymore.

• Speaking of R2D2, how do we know it's a he? I mean, it's a fucking fire hydrant. Is a little projectile dick one of the extra features he had in Episodes 1 through 3 but somehow forgot about by Episode 4, even though they didn't wipe his memory, only C-3PO's, because George Lucas is retarded?

• Speaking of why science fiction annoys me even though I love it: So. I was watching science fiction yesterday, and it pissed me off. You know why? Because science fiction is the most right-wing pro-establishment fiction genre outside of police drama and The Passion of the Christ there is.
  
• Example: I randomly flipped on "Stargate," which I generally don't do because it's so fucking dumb, and what was the scene? A clean-shaven Mitt-Romney-looking colonel (who I think is played by MacGyver) is having a run-in with a sneaky reporter, who has learned something about the "stargates" that Colonel MacGyver and his military buddies use to hop across the galaxy. Of course, the reporter, who is trying to expose the government cover-up of space travel, is the bad guy, and Colonel Chisel-Jawed Never-Tried-Pot Church-on-Sunday Mitt-Fucking-Romney's-Younger-Brother MacGyver is the good guy -- for trying to keep a massive secret from the American people! In real life, these characters are Seymour Hersh and Ollie North. But on Stargate Ollie North and Negroponte and all those fuckers are the heroes.
• Example: "Star Trek: Voyager." I watched this the other day for the first time in forever, even though it sucks and the characters are crap. So the premise of this show is that a Starfleet crew and a rebel Maquis crew get stranded on the other side of the galaxy a hundred zillion light years or whatever away from home, and have to make their way back. That's a pretty cool concept to start with, right? Half the characters are renegades or misfits; you could do something really neat with that. But what do Rick Berman and the rest of the idiots that ruined Star Trek do? Immediately the rebel ship is destroyed and everyone goes to work for Captain Janeway, who is basically your stereotypical CEO, and even though they're a million quadrillion miles away from any command center or admiral or bureaucracy or headquarters, they all happily adopt this strict military discipline and call each other Captain and Lieutenant and never ever break protocol, and they all love this living situation and no one ever wants to mutiny. And that includes the rebels, who have never had to put up with this shit before--as if the Star Trek people are saying that, given the choice, anyone would put on a uniform and follow regulations and be a good soldier. And that's why that show fucking sucked, because plastic robot soldiers are fucking boring characters and in real life no one would live that way. They would cut off Janeway's head after a year of that fucking bullshit, set up their own organization for running the ship, and change their clothes ever.
• In spite of all this, I am sexually attracted to Captain Janeway. I'd wear a uniform for her any day.
  
• Michael Moorcock had a good essay on this topic, even if it gets a little over-the-top and Authoritarian Anarchist (to the effect that, you can't read Tolkien or Frank Herbert without being a Tory or crypto-Stalinist).
  
• Why is sci-fi (and even more so fantasy) so often so reactionary? I guess the reason can be found in the genre's origins. The original science fiction is the likes of The Iliad, The Aeneid, Beowulf, The History of the Kings of Britain-- the Romance, the Epic-- the stories about Great Heroes, i.e., the ruling class, the priesthood, the military, who in the old days were descended from gods but today have to settle for being rewarded vast wealth for their capitalist piety, going on grand magical adventures and killing monsters and fighting wars and winning kingdoms. And these stories were always designed to expound and reaffirm the values of the societies from which they emerged, to legitimize the political and economic order of those societies and the power of their ruling classes. Thus it is no wonder that when writers want to write stories about wizards or space ships, they reach for soldiers and cops as their heroes; thus it is no wonder that the sort of people whose heroes are soldiers and cops and Mitt Romney are also the sort that want to write about wizards and space ships.
• I hate Mitt Romney, but I really like stories about wizards and space ships. Where does that leave me?

• By "Authoritarian Anarchist" in the above paragraph-bulletpoint-thing I mean the sort of dreadlocked jackass that believes in "free association" and "cooperative economics" and "anti-authoritarian" and all that shit, and therefore believes in governance through interpersonal relationship, and yet is completely authoritarian in his interpersonal interactions, intolerant, vicious, and stupid, and therefore is nothing but a fascist sonofabitch in disguise (and not a very good disguise). A lot of the "anarchists" I've known or met or spoken with or read are like this actually, with the best example being that bloviating illiterate fuckwad Kevin Tucker.

• On a completely different note, one of my goals for this week is to write a ridiculously self-aggrandizing entry about myself on Wikipedia.
  

• This has been a post of random thoughts. As we can see, half of the random thoughts I have are venomous and enraged. So why don't we all unwind with Captain Janeway, the sexiest captain in all of Star Trek:

Hott!!

Good morning to you, I hope you're feeling better baby.

Hi Anybody!

It's January 11th, a perfect day for blogging.

But what the hell is there to blog about?

I bet this is easy for people whose blogs have a set purpose, like John Robb, or Juan Cole, or any of the other people who have good blogs that I read regularly. Why doesn't my blog have a purpose? What's the difference between my blog and theirs that makes theirs so updatable and good?

I'll tell you what it is: Unlike me, they have jobs. Like right on Juan Cole's blog it says "thoughts on the Middle East, History, and Religion," and then it says his job, "Juan Cole is president of the Global Americana Institute."

So at first I thought, "Only people with jobs can have blogs with purposes." But then I realized that even if Juan Cole was a dishwasher at the worst restaurant in Pittsburgh he could still think about the Middle East, History, and Religion. And because his blog said it had a point people would still read it.

There was still a lesson in all of this, but I wasn't sure what it was. Who could help me? Who could help me design a blog with point and purpose, that children and old people who aren't even Jim would come to read, to laugh with my triumphs and cry with my failures, take me home and make delirious passionate love to me on their couches? How can I do it, CHRIS MATTHEWS??





"Well Steve," Chris Matthews said, "You just have to think of a purpose. What do you think about? What are your interests? If you put these on the top of your blog and write about them, people who share those same interests will come to read."

"Really, Chris Matthews?" says I.

"Yes," Chris Matthews replied. "Also, I believe that George Bush belongs on Mount Rushmore. This is because I am a giant stupid fat blowhard idiot, and no one should take anything I say seriously, because I am retarded."

"I agree Chris Matthews! Thanks for dropping by!"

Chris Matthews vanished in a cloud of retard gas, and I was left to ponder his message. What do I think about? What is my purpose? What do I love?

Here is the list I came up with. I think about, enjoy, or pretend to like:

Science Fiction
Politics
Writing
Sex
Links
Beer
Music
Food
Books

Um....This is getting a lot harder. Maybe that's everything. Okay, here goes:

Hi Anybody! Welcome to "Better Cats and Gardens," a blog of Science Fiction, Politics, Writing, Sex, Links, Music, Food, Books and Beer."

This is not a post!!!

It's a fake post! I do that kinda thing!

Chris Matthews Pisses Me Off in Real Time

Let's blogalong with him, since he's on TV right now!

Okay, the fat retard just said, "Obviously, the voters watched the news the night before the election, and the news was 'Hillary Clinton cries,' and that struck a chord with older women."

WHY THE FUCK IS THAT OBVIOUS??

Gloria Steinem made a bunch of good points about Hillary in the New York Times and basically summarized why I'm voting for her. (Just as an aside, when people who are Democrats tell me they hate Hillary and won't vote for her, but also are not voting for Dennis Kucinich or one of the other radicals, I don't believe it's not sexism. It is. You don't like her cause she has a cunt and you're afraid of women. Be fucking honest you little bitch.)

And for a different perspective on New Hampshire, read here.

Okay, all this politics is making me sleepy. I am going to go to the fridge and get a Sam Adams Winter Lager. "Next time you treat yourself to a slice of warm apple pie or a gingerbread cookie, pour a tall glass of Sam Adams Winter Lager." Well Sam Adams, I'm actually eating three donuts, but you're right just the same. Thank you, Sam Adams, and thank you, America.

Learning about Blogs, Planets, Hillary Clinton, and the New Pornographers!

Hi anybody!

Today on the blog we will learn about how to make a successful blog, using rules I learned by thinking about them. So, first:

A successful blog is updated regularly, even if it's not much of an update.

That's what they say about blogs.

This is my very first blog EVER!, and man I hope somebody comes to read it, even if it's just Jim. What does that mean, Stephen? Well, it means we have to update it regularly! Let us decide upon a goal of thrice a week, (ooh!, and then let us go to our 43 things and add "update blog thrice a week" as goal number 14!), and do it.

What else should a successful blog have?

Links! In every good blog every other word is a link to something else.

But what is there to link to?

Well, we did one link already, to 43 Things. Let's talk about 43 Things a bit. It is a neat site where you list yourself goals and the internet helps you accomplish them. My goals include to quit smoking, get a cat, save money, and suck a dick. (No, I haven't. If I told you I had I was bullshitting. I am sometimes a bullshitter.) I have already done one of these: I will soon have a cat. Also, I have only tried to smoke once since December 20th and I didn't like it.

So that's 43 Things.

Let's LINK to other stuff!


Today on Alternet there is an okay article about Hillary Clinton and gender. Here is the link. I was pleased to see someone writing about this. Last night, as with the Iowa caucus, I watched Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews reporting on the primary on the newly left-wing MSNBC. And you know what? Chris Matthews is the most annoying fucking idiot ever. Also, everything that every person said on the whole show about gender and womanhood was the most obnoxious fucking thing ever.

"Do you think people are having SYMPATHY for her cause she's a WOMAN!!????!!!????"

"She almost CRIED!!!!1!! That's cause she has a VAGINA!!!!!!!! Do you think people are SYMPATHETIC WITH HER!!!11!"

"Tell ya what. It's WAITTRESSES voting for her cause they're WOMEN like SHE is and they have sympathy with their VAGINAS!!!!"

And so on, until I wanted to stab Chris Matthews in the vagina.


ALSO, last night I went to sleep watching a show about planets. So today I read some articles about planets outside the solar system. Read about some neat extrasolar planets here here here here and here!


AND FINALLY, there is a new New Pornographers album out. I listened to it once a few weeks ago and I didn't like it one bit. But then yesterday I got it and now I'm listening to it again right now. And now I've decided IT'S REALLY GOOD!!!! maybe I like it better than Twin Cinema even.

That concludes my review of the New Pornographers album, "Challengers." Join us in 1 to 4 days, when I will link to news sites, say the word "fuck" a bunch, and review other things that appeared between 2 and 7 months ago. Bye for now!

Running Real-Time Response to Republican Debate

Romney: "The president is not arrogant. We owe the president a debt of gratitude."

Shut up you fucking idiot.

"We need to add to our military by at least 100,000 troops."

Jesus fucking shitfuck. How the fuck much will that cost? And where in the world will you send them? But suggest spending money so I can go to the fucking dentist and all of a sudden it's big government and overspending.

**

What is the issue currently under discussion? The "Bush Doctrine" of preemption. That we can "attack other countries when we feel threatened." Only Ron Paul disagrees. Cuntface Giuliani is about to say a whole pile of shit. Giuliani: "There is an Islamic terrorist threat against us. ... It has nothing to do with our foreign policy."

YOU ROTTEN ARROGANT SHITFUCK MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

"What is at stake is our freedom; our foreign policy is totally irrelevant."

This shitfuck moron is saying this. Holy Jesus fuck HOW CAN YOU BE THAT STUPID and arrogant and blind and filthy as to believe that there are no consequences to your actions.

God Bless you Ron Paul.

Aryan McRomney: "It has nothing to do with us."

AAAGH!! SCREAMKILLFUCK.

These cuntbags won't let Ron Paul speak.

Crappleberry is about to say some shit about Iraq. "I supported the president and the war before you [Romney] did." THEN YOU ARE A MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT IDIOT FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKING EVANGELICAL PIECE OF HORSESHIT FILTH.

Oh my God the idiot just said Islamo-fascism.

"There is nothing about our attacking them that prompts this."

Now Aryan McMormon teetotal bitch and Evangelical Ministerial Dumbshit are scratching at each other's eyes. "I did support the surge."

Fuck "the surge is working." Of course it's "working." But YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WIN AN UNJUST WAR.

Okay going back to it. This is getting tense. But what do these pissfaces argue about? Who loves the surge, the troops, the president, Jesus Fucking Christ and Apple Pie the most.

God Bless You Ron Paul!!! Of course, Giuliani is the guy that gets the last word, because he's a pile of shit.

Giuliani "9/11. 9/11. Ignore everything Ron Paul says."

Okay moving onto domestic policy. Oh dear. Let's go.

Oh shit a question from the president of the United States.

President asks "What are your principles."

McCain: Serve your nation. Restore trust in government. "We are in a titanic and transcendant struggle [that we deserve to lose.] [He didn't say that.]" I know foreign policy. I supported the surge. [God, I fucking supported the surge cause Petraeus was obviously right about what would win and I said at the time don't announce your fucking withdrawl if you want to win, but, we still deserve to lose.]

Oh Christ almighty Romney is going to tell me his principles. "I am convinced that America is. the greatest. nation. on Earth." What the fuck does that mean? Nothing. "We face challenges We have to deal with them We have to stand for principles" OH HERE IT IS "The heart of our strength is the family. "

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

"We have to strengthen America's families."

But by that you mean you want to dictate to everyone what their families have to look like and how they function and who can have sex with who and in what position and God Damns you if you do it from behind and pull out and that had better be a woman you're fucking; but you actually don't give a flying fuck about any member of that "family" after their birth.

Giuliani's principles. NO DON'T INCREASE THE SIZE OF THE MILITARY WHILE REDUCING TAXES PLEASE FOR GODSAKE THAT IS PSYCHOTIC AND EVIL.

Oh my God I am terrified of this man.

I am willing to pay taxes to go to the doctor, and so someone else can.

I am not willing to pay taxes so dumbass shitheads can join the army and get shot.

Huckabee: "Every American is equal to each other." He is willing to say that, but not do anything, of course, to ensure it -- equality of outcome.

Okay, the dick says the government can't tell us how to live, "right to liberty." Bullshit, you anti-gay anti-abortion shitbag.

Oh no Admiral Ackbar is talking.

Still I'm glad we as a nation have progressed to a point where a Mon Calamari fish man has a viable chance of winning the presidency.

McCain has completely lost my respect with his laughing at Ron Paul. He is such a dick.

OH SHIT they're going to talk about healthcare.

WHY IS IT OKAY TO EXPAND THE GOVERNMENT TO KILL PEOPLE BUT NOT TO SEND ME TO A FUCKING DOCTOR. You assholes.

Oh. My. God.

"We have the best healthcare system in the world...because it's private," says Lying Filthy Gangster Dickhead Giuliani.

Take your markets and fuck off.

"You made a statement about European nations and how they all have healthcare. Well some people here have been to Canada. I don't think they want that system," says McCain, who has apparently never 1. looked at a map or 2. spoken with a Canadian.

I wonder what Paul says. "How can we afford a trillion dollar war but we can't afford healthcare. ... The resources are going overseas, we're fighting a trillion dollar war..."

God bless you Ron Paul!!

Oh dear now Admiral Ackbar gets to talk. "Grimminy grumbly gooble gum gooble, I'm a dick who can't comprehend a word that Ron Paul says because I'm too stupid and I'm a goddam fish, how the fuck do you expect a fucking fish to understand anything, fish don't even have large enough brains to remember what I started saying a minute ago, where are we, oh man, a glass bowl! this is so exciting, oh, I've made it all the way around, I guess there's nothing more to see -- Holy Shit a glass bowl!!"


Romney. "Either buy insurance or pay your own way." Go fuck yourself, I do pay my own way, it's called my goddamn taxes. Of course the first example he gives describes people making $100,000 a year -- because those are the people whose perspectives he understands.

Romney says something I agree with: "I would not mandate at a federal level that everyone must do what we do." That's good. I like states and federalism.

Huckleberry is talking about a "preventive" focus. Now: I agree, sort of. But: Does that mean that if you need treatment for something, either a) the insurance company or b) the government or c) both or someone else then massively pries into your lifestyle, and if you smoke, or don't eat as healthily as you should, or have 2 or 3 more drinks per day then they'd like you to, then you're a) denied treatment or b) your lifestyle is interfered with, somehow?

McCain possibly makes a good point about the power of the pharmaceutical companies.

Romney: "Don't turn the pharma companies into the big bad guys. They're doing work of the free market."

OH MY GOD ROMNEY I WANT TO FUCKING PUNCH YOU, YOU GOD-FEARING, CORPORATION-WORSHIPPING, INVISIBLE-HAND-OF-THE-MARKET-DICK-SUCKING, BLIND, STUPID, WHITE TRASH PIECE OF UPPER-CLASS SHIT.

"Doing the work of the free market," the rich white Mormon shitbag says, in that desperately reverent tone like he's talking about Joseph Smith's holy scrotum. This after hearing about Big Pharma ripping people off to the tune of millions. How can you be that disgusting, God, ACK, how.

(Haha, there's a Citgo commercial! "Some people say it's bad politics to do this. I say it's a crime against humanity not to." God bless Hugo Chavez!)

(I'm wishing a God I don't believe in to go blessing a whole bunch of people who I only sort of agree with today. That's okay, I'm very, very angry.)

Commercial over! It's back! Limits to the length of answers because Americans can only understand soundbytes, or so the TV people believe!

Okay we're hearing about securing the borders. Okay, somehow we're going to deport 2 million people that commit crimes. You know it's impossible, politically and economically. So why the hell are you saying it? Just to please some idiot sitting in a trailer park who's afraid because they talk Spanish at the local Applebee's.

Idiot Romney thinks we're going to deport 12 million illegal immigrants. Because we're a nation of laws.

Where do you get off drawing a border to determine where people may or may not work, while supporting treaties that remove all restrictions on where people may employ?

Okay, Romney is being such a dick I cannot stand it. He thinks that he's going send home 12 million illegal immigrants. Also: If I met him in real life, I would want to hit him within five minutes of hearing him talk. What a cunt! Drink a beer, give your wife a strap-on and let her fuck you in the ass, move into the city, and grow a mustache. Run again in four years.

Good God.

Okay the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Republicans in the bid for my attention. Zero to zero and Ben just got sacked -- Oh, flag on the field!

Hi anybody! My name is "Steve" and this is my "blog." On this blog I will write about myself, and maybe about somebody else. I don't like anybody else though so I think I will only write about myself.

ABOUT ME

My name is Steve. I have a blog called Better Cats and Gardens. I have it now, but I didn't have it twenty minutes ago. That's because I hadn't created it yet. Maybe twenty minutes from now I won't have it again, but I don't think that's true. Right now I'm eating vegetable soup with my girlfriend. Her name is "girl." She is nice. Maybe you can meet her. I like her sometimes. Today I'm going to go to the woods. I will take "girl," and maybe we will see an animal. That will be good because I like animals. Okay bye.